Things Are Not As They Would Seem

It has taken several months for things to unfold, but things here are not the way we expected them to be. It has been something that has shaken us to the core a bit and we are having to figure out a way beyond it. First, we have to find a way past the sad, the disappointment, the hurt.


When one comes ‘home’ .. no matter where in the world that might be, I think we all expect to be welcomed home like the prodigal son. I think that it is a natural thing for us to know we will always be a part of something – of a family. I know that in coming here, I found great comfort in the fact that my husband was going home, to family. I loved the fact that he would, after 20+ years, finally get to see his family again. That we would not be simply moving to another country, but to a family.


I come from an Italian family, so it’s natural and a part of my heritage to embrace the idea that extended family is simply family and accepted as part of the whole.


When we made the decision to come here, it was with the understanding that we would have the support – physical, emotionally and financially – of the family we were going home to. My husband spent over 20 years sending money home, and given the situation, we made an assumption that we would have that same spirit of support.


However, what we have found is that there is a sense of disappointment in the fact that he came home and is not still in the US sending support here. There is a spirit of begrudging acceptance but there is also discord.
That’s not to say we have not been accepted as family, we have – without hesitation! We are treated as one of the family in all ways and everyone has been very kind, very warm and welcoming and we feel truly at home here. My family is wonderful and I am so grateful to each and everyone of them for the acceptance we have found here.


I don’t think it’s the intention to convey a sense of discontentment, but it’s there none the less. Honestly, if I were to categorize what we have experiences, it would be surprise. I don’t think they ever thought he would come back. 20 years is a long time! I think they assumed he would make his life, his family in the US and they might see him at some point for a visit, but never come back to live.


Due to the political situation here, we made the decision to not publicize that he did not choose this path but was sent home. His mother knows, but the rest of the family assumes we chose to come back. That, I think contributes to all of it. Everyone here wrongly assumes that we are flush with money… yet, they are so far from being correct about that!!


He did have several holdings here we were depending on – properties owned that he could sell, and other assets. However, those are gone. I guess if you think that someone is never coming back, there’s no harm in selling something that doesn’t belong to you… and after a period of time, the legal claim disappears.


It took us 3 months of being here before we truly saw what was real and what was not. It took some time to unravel the stories, the paperwork, the promises that fell flat. Maybe people thought we would already have run for the hills and headed back over the border?! Maybe people assumed that we had enough money it wouldn’t matter. I don’t think people have ill intentions or are bad people, but it is certainly an eye opener to find what and who is real after the “honeymoon” period of being here.


It makes me wonder how many of those living in the US to support their families would come home to find the same situation?! It makes me sad.


It’s not the culture I know – the family oriented, supportive and tight-knit world I think of when I think of Mexico. I watch as my husband hurts deeply with the scars of family who have gone behind his back, taken that which is his and left him without support of any sort – emotional or otherwise – now that he’s come back home.

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